Walk with me through the rain

Water rushes to the drain.
A chill traces slowly along my spine.
Edge away from the kerb
splash, flash, anger, held tight,
then
quick release.
Driver drives on
others avoid the swell
too close
for comfort.
Walk with me through the rain
Water rushes to the drain.
Summer shoes
slowly
soak.
The white darkens, feet squelch
a stream along my toes.

Find a place to shelter watch the muddy water rush by.
Seeing as if for the first time the gentle slope of a familiar road.

Later, when it’s sunnier, drier, I walk past and remember.

Revised, 2013.

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3 thoughts on “Walk with me through the rain

  1. I like your revision of this poem. It has more energy in it. I went to poetry workshop last year with the Welsh poet Menna Elfyn. She suggested to us that we remove ‘a’ and ‘the’ wherever possible. I’d keep it in the first line though. I shouldn’t fiddle with your verse but I’m thinking something like this:
    “Water rushes to the drain/Chill traces slowly down my spine/Edge away from kerb
    Later on you say “Others avoid the swell”. Avoid slows things up, doesn’t it. What about ‘others duck the swell…? Anyway, enough interference from me. Keep writing…And all best wishes. And please excuse the impertinence of intrusion…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you taking the time to visit my blog and review my poem. I wrote the poem a few years ago and then reviewed it again last year with some other poets at a School of poets meeting in Edinburgh. It was interesting to hear different interpretations of what I had written and suggestions for potential improvements.

      Like

  2. Pingback: Writing 101 Day 6: The Space to write | glasgowmango

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